The year is 2004 and I am 13 years old walking onto the campus of Tokay High for the first time. School hasn’t officially started but I am on campus for Orientation. There are other freshmen, sophomores, and a few junior transfers all meeting in the gymnasium. I just stuck with guys from my AAU team as well as old friends like Preston Stroud, who I have known for years. There we wait to meet our “Link Crew” leader, or as I referred to them as, “Upperclassmen who wouldn’t be putting me in a trash can or causing me other bodily harm”. It was at this time that a few faces began to stick out among the crowd as faces I recognized. But they were NOT fellow underclassmen, oh no, they were upperclassmen. Guys who I had grown up around and looked up to. Guys whose younger siblings I had played with growing up. Guy’s who exclaimed “CESENA!” upon seeing me among the swarm of terrified faces of underclassmen. My uneasiness was slowly turning into excitement at the sight of familiar faces; that was until the stories began.
Every freshmen hears the horror stories of trash canning the frosh, or giving them swirlies, wedgies, or even the old duct tapping a freshmen naked to the wall during water polo tryouts (yes that was a tradition). But it doesn’t really set in until that first day of school when you pull into a packed parking lot, get out of your parents car with a backpack that looks as if you’ve prepped for a 3 month long expedition into the wilderness, and see all these new and unfamiliar faces; all of which could be a threat to your very existence. I however was fortunate enough to know a group of high school students old enough and nice enough to want to see me survive my first day and year at Tokay without being emotionally scarred. TJ, Siren, Anthony… words cannot express my gratitude for saving my scrawny little ass. I would forever be in your debt, but let’s be real, I probably would have been just fine. Most people who know me forget I was a twig early on in high school, so I would have fit between the portable buildings just fine… or in a locker.
The upperclassmen, whom I knew fairly well, began to detail the first day of the school year for freshmen. They let me in on the traditions, the hazing, the terrifying nature that is on display for all other freshmen to see. In summary, you are the bottom of the totem pole or as Jorge states “the lowest of the low”. I was Freshmeat in the eyes of all who didn’t know me, and that meant I’m fair game. I had no chance of escaping my fate as an underclassmen, I would suffer the same fate as my other classmates…..until they began to tell me where to be and not to be on that first day of school. They were providing me with a guide to get through high school, or at least the first day of high school. All I had to do was stick close to the upperclassmen I knew, and follow their instructions.
Rule 1: Upperclassmen Territory
Let’s begin with the obvious, Senior Circle. It was the first place they mentioned and emphasized the importance of staying OFF AND AWAY FROM! Now I didn’t get the big deal, Senior Circle? Why would any Freshmen ever even think about going near senior circle, or even walking though it? Every Freshmen got introduced to the circle during orientation, and we were all warned of the horrors that awaited you if you dared to walk through the circle at ANY POINT OF THE YEAR! So safe to say there would be no reason for that to ever become an issue……. except that it was right in the center of an oval courtyard surrounded by the Math, Science, Arts, and History classrooms. Four buildings containing the 4 subjects most Freshmen are taking during their first year of high school. This meant you would have to walk around and steer clear of this circle while walking between classes. Touche Seniors, touche.
Next was the Math Lockers. These lockers are dead center in the middle of campus meaning if you are a Freshmen, and have a Math locker….safe to say it was nice knowing you. It’s not that they were the nicest lockers on campus, but they were the easiest to get to and made hauling around books easier if you could just walk a short distance to the center of campus, rather than a long distance to the English or Arts lockers on the outskirts. In easier to understand terms, Seniors had locker priority and had experience hauling around books, so they were naturally smart enough to take those easily accessible lockers. I however, had been on campus 1 week prior to orientation cleaning out lockers in order to make sure I got a locker in the best section of the school as humanly possible. It was a program Tokay had in place to reward underclassmen who wanted to ensure they would get a locker, by coming in and helping keep the campus clean and organized. For as smart as I was, sometimes I wish I had been just a bit dumber because the locker I chose resided in the Math building; with all the upperclassmen. I passed on the nice, shiny, almost brand new lockers in the English and Science buildings, and instead chose the plausible more centrally located lockers in the Math building. I would come to regret that decision 1 week later at orientation upon learning the truth of those halls.
R.I.P. Freshmen Alex
Rule 2: Parking Lot Segregation
As a Freshmen this really wouldn’t apply to me in anyway shape or form until my junior year, because I wouldn’t be eligible to utilize my permit until I was 15 and a half.
*You see I was EXTREMELY young all throughout high school. I graduated at 17 and did not turn 16 until my birthday during the 2nd quarter of my Junior year. Therefore I was not awarded some of the freedoms my other classmates had, as some of them had their permits halfway through Freshmen year. Thanks again Mom & Pops! *Heavy Amounts of Sarcasm Intended*
But I knew the importance of remembering parking lot territories and how to keep myself and my eventual car out of the line of prank pulling, tom foolery, shenanigans, and absolute jackassery that would occur in the parking lot. Seniors obviously had priority and parked near the front in the middle two rows (especially the jocks). Juniors filled out the rest of the middle and subsequent outer spaces. Underclassmen were resided to parking on the outskirts and making the 2 minute trek across the parking lot just to get to the gymnasium.
*I have put out the effort to draw out the campus, as sometimes visuals help to depict the absolute craziness I am trying to explain; Click Here to see my amazing artwork.*
Which in retrospect is a fair trade off to having to smell like week old fast food mixed with chew and spoiled milk; also known as ass (because of the trash canning). So with this knowledge I was now less likely to run into a clan of testosterone filled ass hats looking for a scrawny little frosh to emotionally scar for the rest of his high school days.
Rule 3: Cafeteria Seating Chart
The last thing my friendly upperclassmen would let me in on was the ever evolving Seating Chart pertaining to the cafeteria. Which, for me, was not going to be a problem seeing as I brought a packed lunch everyday; which was packed by my loving mother. However they informed me that the cafeteria is fairly intermixed but that each year a new group inhabits an area that is left void from the departing senior class. The new group of freshmeat tend to take the openings, with the previous areas being occupied by their former owners until graduation. In other words, the cafeteria was an unpredictable haven and an unstable environment in which anything could happen.
Note to Self: Stay the hell away from the cafeteria unless absolutely necessary…..
Now I may seem like I was a paranoid schizophrenic who thought the whole world was against or out to get him. But the truth is I was fairly uncomfortable with going into this new environment, and I had a knack for being someone who always planned and prepared for the worst. I was in full doomsday mode going into my first day of high school and though I had a wealth of knowledge on how Tokay operated I just kept having flashbacks to my first day of middle school………
Lodi Middle School 2002
Alex walks straight from his mom’s car to the center of campus to find where his first class will be held. He finds a sheet posted on a window with his last name, his teacher’s name, and what building he should report to at 8 am. He realizes he has some time before his first class and that he should use this time to drain his main vein. He thinks back to peeing his pants at George Washington Elementary and reminds himself of that moment. This reinforces the urgency of using the restroom before class. Upon relieving himself, he washes his hands and exits the bathroom to find two young ladies engaging in a hair pulling match. A circle forms around the two, and Alex is now stuck in the door of the bathroom having to watch this senseless violence an did that girl just rip off her shirt? Alex is now being exposed to violence, nudity, and his very first set of breasts. Alex is in shock, and yet continues to watch the senseless violence with a sense of wonder, awe, and a sort of excitement never known to the youngster.
Now granted that fight wasn’t all bad, but it was absolutely bonkers. If that could happen at a middle school what would I possibly see on my first day in high school? Probably a stabbing, I’m gonna go with stabbing….
So why am I laying this all out for you? What possible reason would any of you still have to read this far into this post; unless you are expecting very terrible things to happen to the 13 year old version of myself. Terrible, traumatic, vile things that end up leaving me emotionally scarred for the rest of my days. Well I hate to disappoint you all, but no physical harm was experienced by myself during my freshmen year. This was despite breaking many of these rules especially numbers 1 and 3; but it was never on my own or without the approval of, or protection by, a senior upperclassmen who knew me. I was fortunate in that regard. It also however, caused as much harm as it did good. Despite my best efforts to not make enemies and come off as arrogant or conceded, I did just that. Most of the time this perception came about within my own class of students who saw me interacting with upperclassmen and took it to mean I thought my shit didn’t stink and that I was better than every other freshmen. Most Sophomores and Juniors, who didn’t know me, saw it this way as well and went out of their way to remind me how much of a freshmen I was; this was accomplished via verbal jokes about my size, my high level of intelligence (nice burn bro’s), as well as asking uncomfortable questions about my body or poking fun at me for being a virgin which in retrospect wasn’t that bad because, let’s face it, I wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. The point is that despite my trying to be liked and not make enemies, they were made just the same. And by no means am I pointing fingers at anyone because I know I am a hard person to get to know and like. For Judas’s sakes at 25 years old I enjoy the Ninja Turtles, a cup of Hot Coco, and a rousing game of Zombies at 2 in the morning more than I enjoy a brew, or going to a night club. I’m a child in a grown ups body now, but back then I was an adult in a kids body. I didn’t break rules, I followed instructions, and I chose right instead of wrong on most all occasions. My moral compass would not waver for anything or anyone and that irked many people, as it still does today. At 25 I’m okay with that, but at 13, it was hard to fathom.
The Unpopular / Popular Freshman
Unpopularity was a reoccurring theme for me growing up. It was’t just a high school event, but a commonality in my life. I was always the kid that got picked on, made fun of, got called names or whatever other stupid things kids do to one another. The reasons varied but it stemmed from one constant, I was different. I didn’t fit into a typical mold or description for a child or teenager. This made me beloved by teachers, and shark food for everyone else. For example, I walked through Senior Circle as if I owned it or had named it myself, I owned a locker in the Math building and hung out with some of the Varsity Football players, and on the first day of class while other freshmen were being trash canned I was being invited over to watch and laugh along with the seniors. While I did not partake in the laughing at the expense of the helpless young men who’s fate I could have easily shared, I couldn’t help but feel fortunate at my situation. Had I gone to St. Mary’s, I would have been a sitting duck. I would have known no upperclassmen, had no real friends, and would have been the most unspoiled kid to have ever graced that campus, save my grandfather. I would have been fair game in the eyes of young men who hadn’t heard the word no ever in their entire life, except for the occasions they had to throw a temper tantrum to get what they wanted. But ANYWAY…….the point I’m trying to make is that I was fortunate to be in an environment where the worst thing that would ever happen to me is kids would call me names and try to hurt my feelings.
While my first day ended up being uneventful, it wasn’t entirely void of drama. I was now attending a school with many more kids than I was used to, and way more pretty girls to stare at than my brain could handle. Many of you who know me are thinking, “Stare at? Don’t you mean scream at from across the courtyard or compliment with some cheesy cliche?” No, I mean stare at awkwardly from a distance and hope they never walk into my vicinity and force me to have to address them as a real person. You see, I didn’t really come out of my shell until my Junior year. I was a relatively quiet kid who didn’t know the first thing about dating, sex, kissing, or even interacting with a female unless they were my friend. I was the embodiment of Squints; pre-drowing incident. While I would never have the balls Squints had to fake drown in order to kiss Wendy, partially because I didn’t have a Wendy, I was sweet and handsome enough to attract a lot of attention from the females (That sounds just really conceited). However I was also clueless to this fact at age 13, so I also pissed a lot of them off women, sheesh. This along with my quiet demeanor and friendship with upperclassmen did not play in my favor. Teammates, other freshmen, and MANY Sophomores, were relentless with the harassment. From questions about my penis size, to asking if I was circumcised I had no idea what the fuck that even meant , to remarks about my manhood; in all honesty this didn’t really effect me because I wasn’t a man. The point is the onslaught was persistent, yet I remained myself and openly admitted to not knowing what being circumcised meant, or that I hadn’t ever kissed a girl, or that I didn’t understand why they wanted to know about the size of my penis.
**NOTE**: I was very adamant about that one, I even shouted it in class one time in a very upset tone hoping my teacher would come over and question why in the SHIT that was being discussed in class. It went over about as well as Billy Madison’s similar attempt in Science class they all stared at me like I was crazy, and the teacher continued along her marry way entirely oblivious to my struggle.
So how was I ever popular? Well, I use the term popular loosely. I was known and liked by some of my fellow students. I had a good core group of friends, I got along with most people, and I was like a little brother in the eyes of some of the upperclassmen. I was goofy, innocent, smart, and had a boyish charm that infatuated and pissed off many but mainly infatuated the ladies *insert Fonzi Gif*. I was polarizing for a lack of a better term. People either loved me or flat out hated me. I was either the sweetest kid ever or a square teacher’s pet. There was no middle ground because my personality wouldn’t allow you to feel any other way. The kid who didn’t want problems was also very confident in himself and wasn’t afraid to let that confidence shine through. The 1st day of school some kids saw that, and many took it as arrogance. While I cannot fault them for that now, high school Alex felt torn. I was never one seeking the approval of my peers, just the approval of those in charge, but I also didn’t want to go out of my way to be disliked. Funny how things change, but more on that later. The truth is I was popular, but not because I was well liked. I was popular because I was well known. I was my classes John Cena, half of them chanting “Let’s go Cena”, and the rest blaring out “CENA SUCKS!”
My first day year of high school was like an out of body experience I don’t ever think I will be able to fully explain. But in the upcoming post’s I will try, fail miserably, struggle to claw my way back up to explain, and inevitably get out the awkwardness that was my freshmen year. The unpopular/popular freshmeat was just starting to test the waters, and he had no idea how deep the waters could actually be.
Until next time!!
-Alex
The Irrelevant Journey 
